Often people understand very logically that they want to make a change or to act in a certain way. However, they are unable to act because they do not acknowledge the emotional component involved with every decision. No matter how much information they gain about the best way to change, the emotional component can easily block us from acting.
Most people have trouble dealing with their emotions because they either suppress their emotions or are alexithymic, which is the inability to determine your internal emotional state. A majority of gamers are alexithymic.
For example, people who say that they are "in control" of their emotions often say "I can watch/experience ... and I will not feel ...". This is not control. This is suppression. When people suppress one emotion, they suppress all emotions.
Here's why we suppress our emotions:
When we experience negative emotions at an early age and have no one to guide us through these emotions, we learn to suppress them to keep ourselves safe.
For example, those that are bullied, have abusive/neglectful parents, or deal with high expectations often learn to suppress their emotions because nobody teaches them how to handle these emotions safely.
Men are taught not to express emotions such as fear, sadness, and shame. They are taught to show only one negative emotion, which is anger.
For example, we see this in the way that men express their emotions in physical language (psychosomatic) like "kick in the nuts," or "butterflies in my stomach."
Recognize that you are feeling emotions. Notice physical sensations, such as a pit in the stomach or tightness in the chest, because they are physical indicators to an emotional equivalent existing. Also notice when you use umbrella terms such as "stressed", "frustrated", "overwhelmed", "anxious", and "sucks."
Try to diagnose that emotion. Ask yourself if you feel:
If you have trouble, ask yourself "what would someone in my situation feel?" Despite being emotionally unempathetic, most of us are quite cognitively empathetic, which means that we can analytically predict how someone else feels.
When you experience these emotions, try to find them on this wheel of emotions.
For example, you can't control your tongue when your mouth is numb from going to the dentist.
Work on the body. Physical feelings are psychosomatic with emotions, and emotions are psychosomatic with physical feelings. Doing things such as yoga can help process your emotions. It also improves anxiety and depression because it is mind-body exercise. Working out is good but does not engage the mind as well as yoga. Meditation are also a good way of processing emotions.
Work on the mind. This means having conversations with friends, talking to a therapist, talking with Healthy Gamer Coaching, joining a men's/women's support group, attending refuge recovery like AA, or CGAA, meditating, and journaling.
That is called emotional lability and it is tied to gaming. Video games suppress our emotional circuitry and those emotions remain floating right beneath the surface. The nature of having them float so close to the surface is that they can explode very easily and then calm down easily as well. That is what happens when people do not process their emotions and suppress them via gaming.
A lot of these mood swings come from suppressing emotions and then having them resurface when the pressure builds up again and again. The solution is to process and let out the emotion, which can be done through therapy, meditation, etc.
The brain's amygdala and hippocampus turn on when people experience pain. When gamers play games these parts of the brain shut off. As a result, video games reward gamers by suppressing negative emotions.
The more you play games, the better you get at suppressing your emotions (men are especially susceptible to this). It is similar to forgetting a language that you haven't spoken in a couple of months.
For example, if you get into a fight with your parents and then you turn on a video game. All those emotions get shut off. A lot of the time, gamers feel that everything is fine. They think they are happy, healthy, and enjoy gaming but actually, they have a lot of subsurface emotions that they are not even aware of.
Eventually, those emotions start to bubble to the surface and impact their lives and an emotional geyser starts to build up inside. Eventually, the pressure becomes too strong and it explodes. That is when these emotions can be terribly overwhelming.
For some, it might be when they are about to go to bed at night, after a long session of gaming. The gaming would suppress their emotions, but after turning it off, all those bottled up emotions would start to flood back.
Usually when people get hurt we respond with compassion and empathy. but when people are hurt and it feels good
Sometimes it can be fun to be toxic to other people, and we actually enjoy when other people are hurt by us.
Toxicity does not come from envy, insecurity or jealousy
toxicity comes from hurt and when we are hurt, circuits in our brain pushes us to retaliate
there are people that have a lot of hatred often due to indoctrination and personal hurt
people call this retaliation justice
a common example of retaliation justice is when there someone is in a relationship with an unfaithful partner, they will act out to make the partner feel the same neglect or pain they felt.
Admitting that someone hurt you can be hard because it was not done intentionally. But just because they did not know does not mean the hurt does not exist and it does not mean you will forget the hurt.
the hurt can be as simple as someone not meeting your emotional needs whether it be a friend or partner
and it hurts
and you blame them subconsciously
explore your feelings, what hurts, what causes hurt
be compassionate and understanding to yourself
people that rage in video games is normal
it is worst for you than in other people
there is evidence to suggest that ADHD's key feature is emotional dysregulation
adhd shows 5 signs of emotional dysregulation
these happen to those that have ADHD but not exclusive to those that have ADHD - ie regular people can show these sign and do not have ADHD
ADHD diagnosis is increasing and the gap between those that have ADHD and neurotypical is closing and there are more people that are becoming emotionally dysregulated
diagnosis tests that teach us about ADHD
and it is interesting because video games interact with the ADHD brain in a particular way
What do you do about it?
understand the emotion that you experience
there are 5 signs of emotional regulation
those that have adhd can fix those struggle by by recognizing your emotions
Often people assume that if they are rational, then they are not emotional. This is often seen in arguments, where people assume that those that get emotional appear wrong or incorrect. It is interesting because people who think that emotional expressions are often illogical can be very emotional as well. The easiest way to bring out that emotion is to tell them that they are not logical or they are incorrect. "Rational" thinkers are actually quite emotional. They assume that they are unemotional because they struggle to experience their emotions. This lack of emotional awareness is also called alexithymia. Therefore this is still emotions that exist in the brain but they person is unaware of their existance. For example, schizophrenia can develop a sysmptonm called flat affect where they are not emotionally aware and therefore do not show any emotions despite having emotions.
Emotions and rational are somewhat on opposites to a spectrum because our cortices (place that controls higher order thinking) and our limbic system (place that controls emotions) reciprocally inhibit each other (use of one suppresses the other).
However, another component of arguments that people do not consider is that argument skill rather than rationale. Some people can form their arguments more coherently and therefore assume think their logic is superior to the other person.
And emotions can utilize your argument skills to appear logically sound and rational.
ex: someone that is in denial about their alcohol addiction can come up with all sorts of logical arguments to not be considered an addict.
Inhibition of action, thought, and emotion: a selective neurobiological review by Daniel G Dillion and Diego A Pizzagallli
"By studying extinction, researchers have made substantial progress in understanding the psychological and neural mechanisms underlying the inhibition of conditioned fear responses (Quirk, 2006). Below, we review evidence indicating that the VMPFC, amygdala, and hippocampus are critical brain regions involved in fear extinction."
inhibition of fear response is that there is a fear response but there are inhibitions that prevent awareness.
our Ventral Medial Prefrontal Cortex (our logic and executive function) inhibit experience of fear and other emotions
there is also a reciprocal inhibit, which can activate and shape our logic as well
ex: fear of a cheating partner,
the emotional drives the rational thought process
and when people try to disprove you, you start arguing and creating rational explanations
yogis and avedic prespective - if you are not aware of your emotions, then that does not meant the emotions exist and the less emotions you feel, the more your logic is controlled/driven by your emotions
how do i become aware of my emotions?
if you sit down and paying attention, soon your mind open up a lot of emotions that your mind is working hard to avoid
ex 2: We can observe this rationalization among depressed people. THey all experience low self worth and constantly rationalizing this low self worth. Therefore, trying to argue and convince them other wise will not work. Instead, you need to acknowledge the feelings of depression first, and be there in that depression. Then you can move forward on finding reasons to live.
ex 3: often people with a string of toxic relationships seek to confirm about what they feel about themselves and as a result continue engaging in toxic relationships. This is because people often seek confirmation and order more than less pain
accepting responsibility for the situation in your life allows you to the ability to control it